by Marie Snyder
My cat died of pancreatic adenocarcinoma a few weeks ago. In March she had an annual check up and was deemed to be in good health for 13, although a bit overweight. We noticed that she was walking a little funny sometimes, so the vet suggested we think about arthritis medication. Then one day in May, just before our appointment to start meds for her suspected arthritis, she went into hiding. A more in-depth vet appointment discovered that her changed gait wasn’t from her joints, but from a huge abdominal mass. It took some tests to find out what it was, then came the dreaded decision-making about what to do about it. Apparently cats can live for months with the condition but often with a very dismal quality of life.
BURYING DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES
She was an ornery cat despite living a life of safety and comfort. I have a certain respect for the fact that she’d snap if you pet her one too many times or in a way that she didn’t want today. She was my work companion, often snuggled in beside me during online school sessions or marking marathons, but there was more than one time during a meeting that she suddenly attacked my arm if I gestured too widely, and I had to feign nonchalance as I shook her off me just outside of camera range. And she was always a bit dirty. As soft as she appeared, her fur acted like velcro, tracking litter throughout the house. Despite regular brushing, wherever she curled up, she left behind the expected layer of hair, but also bits of gravel and maybe some sticks and leaves. Of course she loved to sleep in my bed under the covers. (And who could say no to a tiny mew beckoning to be let in?) I feel asleep to her purrs, but I’d often be rudely awakened by a few sharp bats to the head if I moved around too much. She either couldn’t learn or didn’t care that disciplining me would cost her bed-privileges for the rest of the night.
I had her undeserved adoration from the day we took her and her sister home. For a good year after we started letting her out, if I’d go for a bike ride, I could turn to see her running down the street after me (a very safe, quiet street). While I admired her feistiness, I often loved her in spite of her personality. And I wonder how much I held her in a special place of honour because she chose me, and if that “counts” as love.
It’s complicated burying loved ones with whom we have a complex relationship.
On top of the grief, I have some guilt. I haven’t just accepted her death; I was kind of looking forward to it. It sounds horrible and uncaring, but there it is. Maybe it’s from my Jungian dominant function being task-oriented (aka thinking-type) so I might see what needs to be done more than the people or animals in front of me. It’s a sense of “What’s next on the list?” like gleefully anticipating reading a good book at home once we can make an exit from a party. A future-focus can keep us engaged and productive, but can also keep from actually existing in the present. That’s certainly one way to look at it, but I don’t think that’s the whole story. Read more »








The Republican Party has forever faced a serious statistical obstacle: There are always more Democrats. Never once since the GOP was founded in 1854 have there been more registered Republicans than Democrats in the United States. Democrats are always more numerous. So how can Republicans win?
Dear Readers and Writers,
About ten years ago, I received an invitation to coffee from a fellow I hadn’t seen in a while. At the time, Rolf Kuhn was teaching English at a middle school in the nearby town of Baden; our acquaintance was the result of our frequenting the same English-language bookstore—
Sughra Raza. Self Portrait In Early Morning Reflected Light. Boston, June 2026.
Tycho Brahe was a significant figure in my family. Why? Because my father’s parents were from Denmark, and Tycho Brahe was Danish. Danes were thus important in the Benzon household, as was Danish pastry (wienerbrød, Vienna bread), the real stuff with cardamom seeds, not the fluff you get in diners. And then there is rabarbergrød, a cloudy translucent rhubarb pudding laced with slithers of almonds. Not to mention Danish layer cake, five thin cookie-like layers alternating with custard and currant jelly topped with a lemon-juice & powdered sugar icing, once a year on my father’s birthday. But I digress.