Giving a Shit and Seeing Through It
by Akim Reinhardt There are only four U.S. states where white people are at least 80% of the population in every county: West Virginia, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. These four are also among the five whitest states as a percentage of total state population, with Wyoming coming in second, behind West Virginia (97%) and…
Rethinking Atheism
by Akim Reinhardt The turn of the 21st century saw a burst of atheistic declarations and critiques in the United States and Great Britain, led by a small group of celebrity atheists including Philosopher Daniel Dennett, Biologist Richard Dawkins, and journalist Christopher Hitchens. I have always found this New Atheism, as the movement is often…
The Reinhardt Style Guide, or All the Stuff You’re Wrong About
by Akim “Scare Quotes Can Indicate Facetiousness” Reinhardt Two spaces after a period, not one. If a topic sentence leading to a paragraph can get a whole new line and an indentation, then other new sentences can get an extra space. Don’t smush sentences together like puppies in a cardboard box at a WalMart parking…
The Barbarians Won
by Akim Reinhardt The barbarians have won. The barbarians and their arrogance have won, their shouted assertions offered up as commandments. No one can be right who disagrees with them. The barbarians and their death cult have won, their zombie god lording over us. The spirits of trees and animals and waters and sky and…
Teaching with Artificial Intelligence
Why Donald Trump Might be a Vampire
by Akim Reinhardt What do we know about vampires? They are selfish to a degree that is sociopathic They are consumed by vanity They roar against anyone who contradicts them Their skin is oddly discolored They demand sycophantic followers All they care about is fucking, feeding, and being complimented They are capable of hypnotizing people…
Tempus Fuckit
Once More Around the Sun, then Home
Thank You for Not Caring
by Akim Reinhardt I teach at a large, public university in the mid-Atlantic region of the United States. For about a decade now, the upper administration has had a habit of sending “comforting” emails whenever there’s a major school shooting. Of course there are far too many school shootings in America to send a note…
How Going Back to Meat Brought Me Closer to Veganism
by Akim Reinhardt No longer eating meat was similar to no longer believing in God. I can’t pinpoint a moment when it ended, for abstinence did not come upon me suddenly. Rather, what had once been a bedrock of my existence slipped away after years of contemplation. Some time in 1995, I realized it was…
Artificial Ignorance
by Akim Reinhardt and A Nother I am sitting on the couch of our discontent. The Robot Overlords™ are circling. Shall we fight them, as would a sassy little girl and her aging, unshaven action star caretaker in the Hollywood rendition of our feel good dystopian future? Shall we clamp our hands over our ears,…
Join My Cult
Justice and the Self
by Akim Reinhardt Former NFL wide receiver Henry Ruggs III was recently sentenced to 3–10 years for a drunk driving accident that killed 23-year-old Tina Tintor and her dog. Ruggs had a blood alcohol level of 0.18 (>2x legal limit) and was driving his Corvette 156 mph when he struck her vehicle. Tintor’s Toyota caught…
Headline
by Akim Reinhardt The Lede: Wombats ate five children at a drive thru restaurant in Omegosh, Texas last week. The Body: A wisdom of wombats, on the run from massive fires in their Australian homelands, surrounded five children at a Checkers drive thru and lectured them on the disproportionate impact of the U.S. carbon footprint,…
Satire in the Age of Outrage
by Akim Reinhardt Satire seems all but dead for now. Maybe it’s because the world became increasingly ludicrous, culminating with a real-life president as ridiculous as any satire Jonathan Swift or Dorothy Parker could dream up. Donald Trump’s bizarre presidency may have been the peak of absurdity (fingers crossed), but it had been building for…
30 Times
by Akim Reinhardt I can’t sing. Or so I always thought. A notorious karaoke warbler, I would sometimes pick a country tune, preferably Hank Williams, so that when my voice cracked, I could pretend I was yodeling. Then one night, I stepped up to the bar’s microphone and sang a Gordon Lightfoot song. I wasn’t…
Irrepressible Blundering
by Akim Reinhardt I first heard “The Blundering Generation” in the 1990s when I was taking a course on Civil War history. As my professor explained, the early 20th century saw a new cohort of historians who no longer personally remembered the war and debated anew the nature of its origins. They were trying to…
Twenty Years Later
by Akim Reinhardt Last week marked the 20th anniversary to the start of America’s recently concluded second Gulf War. It’s also been nearly 33 years since the much shorter first Gulf War, a.k.a. Desert Storm (1990–91). Unlike the “great” wars, these haven’t merited Roman numerals. My own Roman numerals now begin with an L. I…
Akim Reinhardt’s Plagiarized 3QD Essay
by Akim Reinhardt and GPTChatbot A couple months back, I wrote an open letter to fellow professors. Don’t panic, I said. Yes, new crops of student plagiarism bound are sprout in the fertile fields of free, online AI software. But it’ll be alright. Here’s how to adjust. Then it occurred to me: Why should students…