Gary Borjesson is a psychotherapist in private practice in Oregon, where he lives with his wife and their canine friend, Theila. Until 2013 he was a tenured member of the faculty at the inimitable St. John’s College in Annapolis, MD. He taught (but mostly learned) mathematics, sciences, philosophy, ancient Greek, music, literature, and political theory. He has a PhD in philosophy from Emory University, and a Masters in Mental Health Counseling. His first book, Willing Dogs & Reluctant Masters: on friendship and dogs, is a philosophical exploration of friendship, using dogs to cast fresh light on human friendships. In 2023 he started publishing How We Help on Substack. This short, free weekly post is intended to inform and inspire thinking about the art, science, and philosophy of helping relationships. This is also the theme of his current book project. Email: garyborjesson [at] proton.me
by Gary Borjesson I’ve rarely regretted holding my tongue during a session. I’ve rarely regretted drawing out what’s on a patient’s mind instead of offering some (apparently) juicy insight or interpretation of my own. Holding myself back is sometimes a matter of willpower, but mostly a matter of art. The root of this art is…
by Gary Borjesson To love someone else is easy, but to love what you are, the thing that is yourself, is just as if you were embracing a glowing red-hot iron: it burns into you and that is very painful. Therefore, to love somebody else in the first place is always an escape which we…
by Gary Borjesson The happiest, most fulfilled moments of my life have been when I was completely aware of being alive, with all the hope, pain, and sorrow that entails for any mortal being. —Jenny Odell Applied Philosophy Back when I was a professor, I loved teaching intro to philosophy courses. Philosophy’s essence comes alive…
by Gary Borjesson Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. – Carl Jung Note: I always disguise identities of patients in my writing. As a psychotherapist, it’s poignant to recognize in my patients’ struggles aspects of my own. An example is the tendency to imagine we are “holding…
by Gary Borjesson In 1956 when this work was begun I had no conception of what I was undertaking. At that time my object appeared a limited one, namely, to discuss the theoretical implications of some observations of how young children respond to temporary loss of mother. —John Bowlby (opening sentence of his seminal book,…
by Gary Borjesson And these two [the rational and spirited] will be set over the desiring part—which is surely most of the soul in each and by nature the most insatiable for money—and they’ll watch over it for fear of its…not minding its own business, but attempting to enslave and rule what is not appropriately…
by Gary Borjesson Digital technology and AI are transforming our lives and relationships. Looking around, I see a variety of effects, for better and worse, including in my own life and in my psychotherapy practice. My last column, The Fantasy of Frictionless Friendship: why AIs can’t be friends, explored a specific psychological need we have—to…
by Gary Borjesson Even if they had all the other good things, still no one would want to live without friends. —Aristotle Is love an art? Then it requires knowledge and effort. —Erich Fromm Many of us are, or soon will be, tempted to connect with an AI companion. Maybe you want a partner for…
by Gary Borjesson Note: Since it is February, and since the world can surely use more love, I offer this as a little Valentine’s gift, dedicated to romantic love. Its inspiration is Stephen Mitchell’s book, Can Love Last? This is not a book review but an invitation to reflect on romantic love, with Mitchell as…
by Gary Borjesson Around the new year you may, like me, be inclined to reflect on your life. And if you weren’t so inclined, the media will remind you with its best-of lists, retrospectives and prospectives. These reflections often become musings (if not resolves) about what we want to keep in our lives, what we…
by Gary Borjesson The power and peril of seeing, and being seen, has been with us from the beginning. Almost the first thing Adam and Eve do is seek to hide from being seen by God. (Good luck with that!) Much later, Hegel showed how, in contrast, the desire to be seen—the desire for recognition—is…
by Gary Borjesson Dwell as near as possible to the channel in which your life flows. —Henry David Thoreau What does being true to ourselves feel like? The question goes to the heart of authenticity. Rousseau viewed our innermost feelings—the feeling of our existence (“le sentiment de l’existence”)—as a guide to authenticity and contentment. Nowadays…
by Gary Borjesson Become what you are, having learned what that is. —Pindar [To protect their privacy, I have changed identifying details of those mentioned here.] What do we want for our lives? It’s a peculiarly human question; other animals don’t appear to be worrying about it. I’ve asked myself this question, sometimes with curiosity,…
by Gary Borjesson Become who you are, having learned what that is. -Pindar Become who you are. —Nietzsche I want to be authentic and so probably do you. It’s a virtue fostered by philosophic and therapeutic inquiries. In popular culture, “authenticity” is broadly used to mean being true to oneself—often with an emphasis on not…
by Gary Borjesson I came to psychotherapy from philosophy, first starting therapy in my forties while on sabbatical from St. John’s College. I was struck by its transformative power—so struck that I ultimately resigned my tenure and returned to graduate school to train as a therapist. But I’ve hardly left philosophy behind. Freud reminds me…
by Gary Borjesson I invite you to explore with me what hospitality is, and why it’s an essential and cosmic principle of all life, but especially human life. The heart of hospitality is to provide the occasion for getting to know anyone or anything. I assume here that “getting to know” is useful and good,…