by Gary Borjesson

Around the new year you may, like me, be inclined to reflect on your life. And if you weren’t so inclined, the media will remind you with its best-of lists, retrospectives and prospectives. These reflections often become musings (if not resolves) about what we want to keep in our lives, what we could do without, and where we want to make changes or grow.

Which brings me to my theme, a big simple idea I find helpful, and recommend to you, when contemplating changes (including changes of attitude). It can help steady us through changes of all sorts, whether grieving a loss, struggling with our health, losing weight, starting an exercise routine or a meditation practice, embarking on a new career, or considering retirement. The idea is this: once you’re clear about what you want, focus on the activity, not the goal; the process, not the reward; the journey, not the destination.

Perhaps you find this obvious; I hope so. Still, as Orwell famously observed, “To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.” It’s especially easy to lose sight of the obvious when we’re met with the equally obvious, and competing, truth: that we should keep our eyes on the prize. True, it’s vital to be clear about the goal and good we are seeking. In our results-focused world, however, we hardly need this reminder. Anyway, even if all we want are results, the best way to get them is to pay attention to the process.

A story about a little ritual of friendship called “Seek!” will illustrate what I have in mind. The goal of “Seek!” is, of course, to find. In this story, the reward will be a crunchy pig’s ear, but go ahead and substitute whatever goal you please: six-pack abs, fluency in Japanese, a first novel, a kayak you built yourself, a thriving business or partnership.

The friend in this ritual is my dog Theila, who loves a crunchy chewy pig’s ear. (I know.) But I expect her to work for her reward. What I know, and think she suspects, is that the work of seeking will ultimately become the main pleasure—the journey will become the destination, which is happiness. Knowing this gives me the resolve to stick with the hard work of training her and myself in the art of seeking. In the same way, it’s easier to be patient and encouraging with ourselves when we adopt the mindset that, as hard as change is, eventually we will enjoy what now feels like work, whether it’s running, sobriety, meditation, healthy eating, etc. In the meantime, we focus not on what we seek, but on building a practice around it, trusting that results will come. Read more »