by Gary Borjesson

Even if they had all the other good things, still no one would want to live without friends. —Aristotle

Is love an art? Then it requires knowledge and effort. —Erich Fromm

Many of us are, or soon will be, tempted to connect with an AI companion. Maybe you want a partner for your work  or personal life. A friend of mine consults with a personal AI on his creative branding work for clients. A therapist or doctor can use a personal AI to help them track and reflect on specific patients. A recent article in the NYT describes a woman’s steamy (and expensive) romance with her AI boyfriend, Leo.

All of these and other possibilities are coming to pass. I take it for granted here that AIs are useful and pleasurable digital assistants or companions. With corporate powers making that case, the more pressing concern is to recognize the limits and dangers AI companions pose. This is urgent because AI companions exploit a human vulnerability: our resistance to the effort required for personal and interpersonal development.

I will focus on a fundamental limit overlooked by enthusiasts and critics of AI alike. A limit no tweaking of algorithms will overcome. A limit that makes AIs ontologically incapable of friendship. A limit that shows why we need to resist the considerable temptation to imagine AIs can be friends. To anticipate, consider two necessary conditions of friendship: that they are freely chosen, and mutual. We’ll see why AI companions cannot meet these conditions. But first let’s look at their basic limitation. Read more »