Or: How Brett Ratner, Slajov Zizek, and Shane Battier Can Make a Poet Wish She’d Taken that Stats Class
by Mara Jebsen
Part I. To Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too
“Lets go see the dumbest movie we can find,” I said to a friend of mine, an actor. I’d had a personal disappointment. He was chivalrous and agreed to escort me. Then we were awkwardly alone in an enormous theatre in Times Square. For nearly two hours, we cringed through “Tower Heist”, in which a star-studded cast devotes their theatrical energies towards hiding their shame at the thuddingly unfunny nature of the lines. “The dumbest movie we can find?” I couldn't help it– in my head I began to think: “In movies, as perhaps in romance, you really ought to be careful what you wish for . . .”
The stars who drew us in (Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Alan Alda, Matthew Broderick, among others) come together to make a heist movie that, for the longest time, has no heist in it. The film spends a while giving glimpses of the inner workings of an upscale hotel and delivering a pastiche of little sketches meant to allow Ben Stiller’s character, a sort of manager-concierge, to establish his relationships with the hotel staff. The multiracial cast of employees reveal themselves to be goodhearted, mock-able, sometimes stupid folk. Once its established who the villain is—the rich and charming, brilliant and evil Alan Alda character—the heist begins. But the machinations of it are so disappointing that one immediately develops nostalgia for the part of the movie that had no heist in it.
Anthony Lane, in a New Yorker of a week or two ago, reviewed the film in the only ways it can be reviewed: by a) noting how it doesn’t quite hang together as a piece of entertainment, and b) pairing it with the new Gus Van Sant film, to read “Tower Heist” in terms of its accidental 'place' in history. Like all films, it is a cultural document, but in this case special because, as Lane points out, it is one of the first films to get caught up in the VOD debate.
