by Mara Jebsen
In 2006, when I had finished my MFA; when I had completed a poetry class with a famous professor I worshipped; when I had absorbed the fact that despite my increasingly panicky efforts to write a true good poem I had not only not been anointed but had not even been remarkable within the small class, I shut down completely. This shutting-down lasted almost a year, and it seemed to signal some real weakness of character. A real writer would not stop writing just because she had not been chosen by a professor. A real writer would just write.
But I didn't. Then, slowly, I did, but with a strange tic. I had to draw a line down the center of a page so that it was made of two columns. In the thin columns I could write strange little stories in the voice of someone like myself. They were emphatically not poems because I could no longer write poems. But they had to stop at the line, and so they were not exactly stories, either. I filled several notebooks with these little things, all the while still worrying that I was not writing, because I did not think I was writing. The pieces–I don't know what to call them–seem to me to be written by a woman named Lita. Lita has since become a minor character in a play I am writing about ex-patriot family businesses in West Africa. At some point in the play, she throws away her manuscript. It falls into the audience. Here is one of the pieces that falls.
In Which I Try to Tell A Frenchman What It Is Like To Grow Up Here
We lived near the ocean,
But it meant very little.
Almost Nothing appeared on the horizon
That thing just sliced
Your dreams crossways. Did you know, Alexandre
It’s the only straight line in nature, besides
The plumb line? I’ve heard
They credit geometry to sea-side peoples
Because of a circle’s enormous joke . . .
The rest of the world is a dance
Is a series of arabesques,
And who would have guessed
At the use of straight lines,
That they’d behave
So predictably and that the earth
Would fall under the sway of men
Enthralled by a magical stickish order?
