“Mental-Rental”™ – a Device to Destabilize Capitalism

by Liam Heneghan

I hastily submitted this patent last week to provide an effective tool to further our revolutionary aims. This simple invention provides a novel mechanism to assist the Occupy Wall Street movement in bringing the system to its knees. Those who cannot march in the streets with Occupy Wall Street and yet who also inarguably Hate the Man™ and want to Destabilize the Status Quo™ can foment radical change from the comfort of home by deploying Mental-Rental™.

Patent Abstract

This simple notion, supported by a preformatted spreadsheet and a smart-phone “app”, is designed to calculate the mental exertion and botheration inflicted by mental parasitism by commercial jingles, catchy slogans, compelling catchphrases, easily recognized trademarks and mMental Rental0001_1any other mechanisms devised to coax you to buy useless pieces of shit. A set of accompanying tools calculates in the form of rent what is due to you for the occupancy of your mind. Mental-Rental™ also produces an itemized bill demanding cash compensation from offending commercial entities. These agitatory tools are supported by a synchronized website where you can track in real time the degree to which you have wounded capitalism as those exorbitant rental fees accrue. The system is fully integrated with Facebook and Twitter and with online banking.

Other U.S. Patent Documents by this Inventor

  1. Heneghan et al. 2005The Left-Shifting Mirror (a reflective surface that gives the mirror-gazer the impression of being more radical than is the case. Also, the claim extends to the device’s capacity to make fascists appear more reasonable under the heft of their own self-scrutiny).
  2. Heneghan and Dickens, 2009 – Cloned Tittlebats (a gene sequence from a common bat (Pipistrellus pipistrellus) is introduced into the common stickleback fish diminishing their eyesight and causing the fish to fly fitfully above water; I also claim a device for removing fish from your hair.)

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