I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller
"Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young." ~ Author Unknown
"It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge." ~ Phyllis Diller
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." ~ Mark Twain
I’ve been married 14 years and I have three kids. Obviously I breed well in captivity. – Roseanne Barr
My mom's favorite Stevie Wonder song is, "I Just Called to Say Someone You Don't Know Has Cancer"
– Damien Fahey @DamienFahey
There are three ways to get something done: hire someone to do it, do it yourself, or forbid your kids to do it !
"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back." ~William D. Tammeus.
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." ~ Buddy Hackett
Motherhood is like Albania—you can’t trust the descriptions in the books, you have to go there.
– Marni Jackson
Over the years I have learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions.
– Nancy Stahl
The reason I don’t call my mother more often is that I get tired of her complaining that I never call. – Melanie White
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of clergy. – Spanish Proverb