Australian poet and author Peter Nicholson writes 3 Quarks Daily’s Poetry and Culture column (see other columns here). There is an introduction to his work at peternicholson.com.au and at the NLA.
Since one should always take art seriously (Duchamp, anyone?), there is always the danger of then taking yourself terribly seriously too. Therein lies the error. You must laugh at yourself and the world. That is essential. Laughter is, as is said, the best medicine.
I guess I’ve seen the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine thinks she’s contracted rabies several times now, yet it still makes me laugh out loud. ‘I don’t need you to tell me what I don’t want, you stupid, hipster doofus!’ she barks at Kramer when he tells her that she doesn’t want to get rabies because it can be fatal. Please don’t give me any guff about being ‘oppressed’ by American cultural product. I’m quite capable of recognising Elmer Gantry when he comes in through the door, or the screen. There may not be any laughs when listening to Mahler, and you unlikely to guffaw in the middle of Kafka, but art is contradictory in that way. Often, in implausible places, laughter can get hold of you and bring you haughty stares. Getting overcome by a sense of the ridiculous at some earnest art installation; Queen of the Night journalists who think they are remedying, rather than discussing, complex problems with their columns; some chefs, having mistaken themselves for artists, making a giant fuss about meals you wouldn’t feed to a brown dog; fashionista stick insects dressed in clothes that might have been lifted from an alley bin—everyone could go on to make their own list. We need satirists to show us our foolishness, nowhere more so than in our political certainties or lifestyle choices. For example, there seems to be a new fashion amongst some for going up into space with astronauts, or getting ‘buried’ in space. Can’t you see the comic possibilities here. ‘I’d like to walk on Mars on your next expedition.’ ‘O.K. That’ll be 50 gazillion dollars thanks.’ Having done a comprehensive job of wrecking everything on Earth, manimal goes forth in his/her quest for future dominance. What a prospect. Let’s hope the newly-discovered earth ‘double’ isn’t too close for comfort.
Have a look at Uncyclopedia—the ‘content-free’ encyclopaedia—sometime, the parody of Wikipedia. You encounter some very politically-incorrect writing, but we’re all grown up enough to get past that, aren’t we. Try the article on the slate industry in Wales. If that doesn’t give you a laugh, not much will, though humour is, like everything else, a matter of taste.
Australian humour tends to be cynical of established orders or of anyone who is seen as getting above themself, which has both positive and negative aspects. The larrikin spirit, defined in the convict, colonial years, has had many a poetic devolution in present times. Here is a poem that parodies, not unkindly I hope, the bush ballad tradition, made famous by ‘Banjo’ Paterson, among others, with its sturdy carapace, perhaps predictable rhythms and thumping rhymes. You can’t expect the fine shadings or metaphysical heft of a Rilke or Milosz in verse like this, but the Australian ballad form can be enjoyed on its own terms, reflecting, beneath the broiling and sometimes mannered surface, shadows, ambiguities. Speewah refers to an imaginary outback station, what Americans would call a ranch.
*
The Speewah Ballad
It had come to my attention in the local boozers’ pub
That my yarns were getting hoary and my wit had missed the mark,
They were getting tired of hearing all my macho, matey turns
And wanted something different to raise their spirits as they worked
For bosses who looked down on them and found their habits slack;
My name is Terry Overall—my humour’s pretty black!
One chap, old Stubby Collins, had touched me for a shout,
Said, Now get on, you young galoot, your tales are up the spout.
But as I rolled on home that night reviewing what I’d told
I thought that I was really quite a sentimental cove
And Collins was right up himself, for who was he to tell
My stories couldn’t bore them least of all in that hotel.
I left the bar round tennish, walked past the closed-up shops,
Called out Debbie’s name when home and cursed the booze bus cops
Who took away my licence—I’d only knocked down two—
Because one evening after work I’d got into a blue;
One’s in a wheelchair now, he’s great, his splints are off his legs,
The others got a compo cheque but can’t remember facts.
Debbie, I call out once again, and then I see a note
Left on the kitchen sink beside a half-drunk can of Coke:
I’ve left you Terry, you’re no good, you’ve bashed me up too much.
I’ve got the kids and I’m sure glad I’ve left this dump at last.
Well I’ll be blowed, I cogitate and scratch my sweating brow,
I never was much keen on that two-timing Goddam cow.
Then down I sit and exercise my mind on lots of things,
There’s rubbish on the unmown grass and murder in the wind,
But what’s the good of hitching ’bout a woman who’s like that;
I’ll go and visit Micky out on Speewah’s lambing flats.
He said he’d like to see me last time he was in to town,
He’s a lark, this mate of mine, a bonzer, strapping clown.
He almost drowned at Bondi once when we were at the beach.
He swam way out, then got cramp, was almost out of reach,
When in the nick of time a surfer helped him back to shore;
Better than a shark, he said, but hell my guts are sore.
He always sees the bright side, even off his scrawny pins—
I’d told him not to eat those greasy, cold dim sims.
Well anyhow next morning I packed my bag to go,
Made sure the ute was ready for a thousand miles or so,
Rang the boss and asked for leave, I told him I was sick—
I work down at the abattoir, Jesus it’s the pits.
He wasn’t pleased but when I told him what had really happened
He softened up and told me that I really must feel flattened.
And so I left the suburbs—my place is in the west—
You need a car to get about, it’s hot, you get depressed.
I feel much better knowing that I’m leaving for a while
(The house is still unpainted, the yard looks like a sty),
And now the wife has left me I think I’ll chuck the lot,
Leave the place as well as get myself another job.
Soon the city vanished as I shot off down the highway,
The road was beaut to drive on, you could speed down there quite safely;
I gave a few slow motorists a scare or two at times—
Without the licence handy I still avoid the speeding fines!
The coppers never touched me, I was lucky to escape
Their nosy parker checking of bald tyres and number plates.
After an hour of travelling I picked a hiker up
Who said he was off to Melbourne for a talk on a chap called Bart—
It didn’t make much sense to me, but passed the time of day.
He was full of himself, this fellow, I thought he could’ve been gay,
But later on a female hiker came into our view;
We stopped for her and he soon implied that it might be nice to smooch.
She took up the offer quickly, her hands were on his crutch,
And soon I had to stop the ute because of all their thrust.
I let them out on the grass beside the highway’s steaming tar;
They finished off their business then while flies about them buzzed.
At last they hitched their jeans back up and brushed the ants away,
Leaning by me tiredly as the miles blurred into haze.
It wasn’t what I’d planned of course, and I felt pretty slack,
This trip was getting stranger and time felt out of whack.
At last I reached the turnoff and I had to wake them up—
Sorry, turning off here. Hope you’ll have some better luck,
And left them thumbing lazily beside a dusty corner,
Making off for Speewah as the afternoon drew nearer.
Then suddenly I thought, The dog! My God I haven’t got the dog!,
I’d left him in the yard at home, the poor old pooch, poor Trog;
The neighbours will look after him and give him cans of Pal,
I hope he doesn’t bark all night and give the whole street hell.
That dog is worth a dozen Debbies, so much better than the missus,
That if I had to choose between them, sure as eggs, he’d come up roses.
Now as I travelled westward the weather grew quite blustery,
The sun shone in my bloodshot eyes, the road became real uppity.
Then all at once the countryside seemed different and remote—
The east had had a bit of green but now the land seemed broke,
Dead branches lay beside the road and bones were everywhere;
I wasn’t one to worry but this country had me scared.
Last time I’d gone to Speewah I had come another way,
But that was several years ago in summer, Christmas Day.
Now it’s late in autumn and the days are so much shorter
You wouldn’t think the place the same—maybe I’m just getting older,
Though I’m only thirty-three and still got all my marbles;
This time it sure seemed different as the distant thunder rumbled.
Soon I was low on petrol and the sky was getting darker
And so I kept a lookout for a garage or a parked car
From which to siphon off a bit in case I couldn’t find
Out on this lonely country road a service station sign,
But strike me lucky, there was one not half a mile ahead
Set just beneath a ring of hills whose sides around me reared.
I pulled into the bowser and got out to stretch my legs,
A cold wind stirred the eucalypts as blackness round me spread,
I looked about in hope of finding someone who would fill
My ute with oil and petrol so that I could cross those hills.
Then out of the blue a hand descended, gripping me on the shoulder,
And when I turned my stomach churned and through me went a shudder.
Before me stood a shrunken form in khaki dungarees,
With hollow face and staring eyes, he seemed to be diseased,
But he was just a loner, not complex or a pain—
West of the Great Dividing Range that sort of bloke remains
What city folk are wary of, though country types are sure
They’ve got it over big smoke types—they tell it through the year.
Of course back in the city people couldn’t give a damn,
As long as the fridge is chocka, then bugger-all the farm.
Their usual way of spending time is spending money freely
On objects that technology deems right for yuppie needies
Distinguished for their empty chat at groaning restaurant tables,
Whinging through three courses on the subject of tax rebates.
































