What if Shakespeare wrote The Big Lebowski? Adam Bertocci gives it a go, in case you haven’t read this already.
[Enter LEBOWSKI, on a cart. Exit BRANDT]
Marry, sir!—You be Lebowski, I be Lebowski, ‘tis a wondrous strange comedy of errors. But I am a man of business, as I imagine you are; tell me what you’d have me do for you.
Sir, I possess a rug, that, i’faith, tied the room together—
You sent Brandt a messenger on horseback; he inform’d me. Where is my fitting?
They sought thee, these two gentlemen—
I shall repeat; you sent Brandt a messenger on horseback; he inform’d me. Where is my fitting?
Then thou art aware ‘twas thy rug, sir, that was the target of this crime.
Was it I, sir, who urinated on your rug?
[H/t: Darcy James Argue]