Very funny stuff from The Beast:
47. Martha Stewart
Charges: Only in America could a plutocrat convicted of insider trading find sympathy among her social inferiors—people she would have either sterilized or mustard gassed, if the law permitted her. Stewart, a woman so frigid she makes Gila monsters look cuddly, rode this wave of infamy to a resurgence in popularity and a second television show. To the nation’s delight, she then used this public forum to demean the aborigines in her charge with robotic mordancy. Is in obvious discomfort when laughing. Would have drowned the survivors on the Titanic and used their corpses as a human pontoon to walk to dry land.
Exhibit A: Seemed to genuinely enjoy prison.
Sentence: Forced to use own K-Mart products.
Read about the rest here.