Angela Haupt in Time Magazine:
When your best friend or partner or kid snaps at you, it’s easy to frame them as difficult. Anna Elton, a marriage and family therapist in Palm Beach, Fla., would like you to consider a different story. “When you see anger, it’s just the tip of the iceberg,” she says. “Anger is the secondary emotion. The primary emotion could be sadness, could be disappointment, could be stress.” That’s where empathy enters the picture. Tapping into it helps you look past the surface to find out what’s actually going on underneath, Elton says.
Your empathy level is what decides whether you feel closer to someone after a hard conversation or whether you feel like you’re on opposite sides—or, as Elton says, being on the same team vs. “you against me.” Practiced over time, it changes how you show up in every relationship. You can get better at it with practice, and empathy will serve you well: it can help you end arguments faster or avoid them altogether
More here.
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