Let's start with the French philosopher Emmanuel Levinas.
Yep, since we are going to get obscene here, and bang on about what sexual positions suit the radically opposed Democratic and Republican weltanschauungs, it's probably advisable to start with a high-minded philosopher — if only to persuade you intellectuals out there that we're onto something serious, and not just wanking your planks for some middling satirical plank-wanking sport.
Levinas is the guy who said morality starts with the face-to-face recognition of the Other. You look the Other in the face, and because you look that Other in the face, it would be difficult to kill said Other in face-to-face contact, and voila: that's how morality starts, with the reluctance of killing the Other once you have faced each other eye-to-eye.
So how does this fundamental philosophical platform — as fundamental as it gets, right up there with “I think therefore I am” — relate to Democrats and Republicans and how they might prefer to go about their various bonking activities?
Aha. Good question.