Michael Fontana at McSweeney’s:
A: I don’t even have cable anymore.
B: Well, listen, good for you. I personally haven’t even owned a TV since 2008, but nevertheless, I am happy for you.
A: Did I say “anymore”? Because, in fact, I’ve never owned a TV. I am only vaguely aware of what a TV looks like. One time I just sat in front of a microwave, looking at it for a long period of time, wondering whether it would begin airing episodes of The White Lotus. It did not.
B: Yes, that makes sense. However, I do not know what a “The White Lotus” is. I am assuming it is a kind of flower. Because looking at flowers is the only kind of entertainment I need most days. If I absolutely must, I will watch TV on my laptop, with passwords shared by old boyfriends. Some of whom are now in long-term committed relationships and by now have adult children. Good for them.