Uncle Jim’s Proverbs #2

by Jim Britell

Rules of thumb

People by the millions don’t know the difference between a billion and a trillion.

To get an accurate remodeling estimate, obtain bids from three reliable contractors and add them together.

Big planets attract big meteorites.

Trustworthy people never say, “Trust me.”

A wild fox knows better than to pick a fight with a domestic cat.

No man can serve two bastards.

Old people and old houses always have one problem or another.

To get excellent medical care, develop interesting problems.

Don’t assume that someone who likes and forwards something actually read it.

People say, “going forward,” when they have no idea what’s coming next.

Career and Life Advice

 If you sell out, make sure you get paid.

The real policies of any organization are what its employees actually do.

Compassion absent the ability to say no, is moral idiocy.

Only fools act upon obligatory reassurances.

For humans, peer group pressure is the strong force.

To solve an intractable problem, enlarge it.

Life’s dissatisfactions are like headaches; curing one doesn’t make you happy.

If you fail at being a good example, you can always serve as a good bad-example.

Comfort food can give you everything except real comfort.

One weird trick to resolve email conflicts is to pick up the phone.

Environmentalists and Nature

 Splits in progressive movements usually arise between white men who can’t dance and everyone else.

The only people who don’t know what’s best for small towns are the people who live there.

Remove either of the two elements in salt and what’s left is poison.

Wild animals make domesticated animals nervous; domesticated animals make wild animals cruel.

A politician’s respect for any particular environmental activist varies as the square of the distance between them.