Keaton Patti in McSweeney's:
It was all lies.
Everything that I put forth as true in my book was fabricated, and I can’t keep the secret balled up inside of me anymore. I’m letting it all out. I won’t continue to sit back and watch parents use my bullshit shit book to teach their children that their bodily functions are normal and healthy. It’s not right.
I made it all up.
Everyone Poops? Looking back, it was such an absurd blanket statement that I can’t believe I got away with it. Everyone?EVERYONE? Most people, probably, but everyone? Nobody can know that. Not me, not you, not even God. Yet that didn’t stop me from writing that I poop, you poop, and God poops every Sunday and on the major holidays. It was crazy that nobody flushed out the truth.
I fudged the data.
“An elephant makes a big poop.”
“A mouse makes a tiny poop.”
All nonsense. For all I know it’s the other way around.