Lego figurines were found to be growing angrier. Researchers reconstructed the face of Richard III, discovered the heart of Richard I to have been embalmed in daisy, mint, and myrtle, and calculated that Double Stuf Oreos contain only 1.86 times as much cream filling. In England, two North Anglians dressed as Oompa Loompas attacked a man outside a kebab house, an appellate court ended Cadbury’s monopoly on the color purple, and Lord Sugar was investigated for racism. An Edinburgh Krispy Kreme sold an average of one doughnut every three seconds in the six months after it opened. “They are ruinous,” said Scottish National Obesity Forum spokesman Tam Fry. Frito-Lay began selling Taco Bell Doritos, which taste like Taco Bell Doritos Locos tacos, which taste like Doritos. Conor P. Fudge was charged for a burglary at Iowa City’s Cold Stone Creamery. Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted that he had smoked crack cocaine while in “one of my drunken stupors.” Doctors declared cured a Mississippi baby born with HIV. Belgium permitted twins born deaf to commit suicide because they had also become blind. In Spain, the recipient of the world’s first double-leg transplant had his transplanted legs amputated. South Korean police arrested two students for selling diet pills made of human flesh, and hackers in Montana broadcast an emergency alert warning of a zombie uprising.
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