Rejected America’s Funniest Home Videos Submissions, as Logged by Junior Production Assistant Intern Kenneth Polk

AFV956382: Man loses control of jet ski and, after flipping three times on the water, crashes, obliterating the craft in a massive fireball. However, all this manages to occur in a way that is utterly indistinct and quite banal.

AFV956382: Man at office birthday party punches co-worker in arm, but really hard, so co-worker looks like he’s about to cry. A mood of quiet and intense discomfort descends upon the room.

AFV100004: Jack Russell terrier, when whining for a treat, uncannily sounds like he’s saying, “The Maldives were positively splendid this year, save for a certain insolence taking hold among the servants.”

AFV377745: During elderly uncle’s tribute speech at wedding, dentures eject from his mouth, trailing a glistening string of saliva at just the perfect arc so as to impress upon the viewer the terrors of old age and life’s crushing vanity.

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