Alain de Botton at Big Think:
In most nations and most parts of the world, for most of history, couples were formed not by the individuals themselves, but by the wider society, families, the village, the court. There were, if you like, dynastic marriages. You would get together with somebody because they had a plow and you had an ox and it seemed like a good match, or you were the Duke of Brabant and they were the Princess of Naples and that was seen as a wonderful union. So you got together for reasons that were nothing to do with emotional compatibility. There were a lot of tears, there was sadness, there was loneliness, but it didn’t seem to matter because relationships were seen to be about something else.
There was then a momentous change that occurs towards the end of the 18th century, starting in Britain, France, Germany, parts of Italy, a revolution in feeling that we now know as romanticism. One of the central tenets of romanticism is that each individual should be left to decide on their partner by their own, the movements of their own heart. They should be left to decide for themselves. It’s a beautiful idea, it’s a very liberating idea, it should make a lot of sense. We have been in the romantic age now for 200 years, perhaps shorter, perhaps a little longer time period.
And let’s put it plainly, it’s been a disaster.
More here.
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